Waiting for Superman
by StUpIdLoVeLeTtEr
Summary: Ten years ago I left behind the only life that I knew all due to a college fling that didn't mean as much as I thought it did. I got pregnant, I had nowhere to go and no one to turn to. So I started anew in Chicago, made a life for us and then tragedy struck and I am trying to pick up the pieces of my life. It's time to come home, and face the music. Before it's too late.
1. Chapter 1

Waiting for Superman

I sighed heavily while fidgeting in my seat for the hundredth time. I have always been uncomfortable in hospitals, even when I was pregnant. But now, after everything that has happened, I can barely walk through the main entrance without having a mild panic attack.

"Isabella Swan?" I looked up to see the nurse waiting for me with a smile.

_Well let's get this over with shall we?_

"That's me."

"Let's get you back here and get these tests started so you can get out of here." I nodded my head once and followed her to the back where the doctor quickly started my tests. I was in and out within an hour.

"Now Bella you look like you are doing well for yourself." Doctor Reynolds smiled down at me as I sat on the bed in the small room waiting to be released.

"I have been, I still have those bad days of course but I am getting through. As long as I can still keep up with my nine year old and my twenty eight year old best friend I think I should be good right?" I joked lightly. He smiled softly and continued reading over my file.

"That's good, very good actually. Well you know that the results won't be in for another week or two and so for now it is just a waiting game. But I have a good feeling that we have beat this and it won't be back. Now tell me, are you still planning on moving?" _Oh yeah, I almost forgot. _

"Actually, I leave in a few days. It's time to go back to my roots and face my past, it's been a long time coming."

"I'm glad to hear that Bella, now I got in contact with a colleague of mine in Seattle and he is willing to take over your care. I took the liberty of making you an appointment to meet him on the thirteenth of next month. Sooner depending on the results of your test, here is his contact information in case you need to see him sooner. And I mean this Bella, you know the signs, you know your body. No one else does, so if something feels off you have to call him or go straight to the hospital, do you understand me?" I smirked slightly, very protective this one. I mean when you have gone through a journey such as mine with one person for four years you tend to develop a close relationship.

"I promise Don. Thank you so much for everything you have done for me and my son. It means a lot to me."

"It has been my pleasure Bella, please stay in touch of course. I'd like to keep updated on how you and your son are doing. If you need anything at all you know not to hesitate to call me."

"I know that. Thank you again." I whispered while standing and putting the card he gave me into my purse. He enveloped me in a hug and walked me out to the front entrance.

"You be careful now, and have a safe trip."

"I will."

With those parting words I made my way to the parking lot, feeling ten pounds lighter as I got into the car. Driving home with the windows down and the music up, that's the best part of summers in Chicago, and I love summer.

A smile tugged at my lips when I pulled up to my apartment complex to see Chase and Johnny standing out front waiting for me with flowers and a box of chocolates. I parked the car on the street as usual and got out slowly, they always greeted me like this after my yearly checkups. And this is only my second one since I had gotten sick.

"Hey guys." I greeted with a smile as Chase jumped into my arms.

"Hey mom! Are you okay? What did the doctor say?" He asked while looking up at mw with those big green eyes. My nine year old was so worrisome, caring, and the biggest mama's boy in the world. _In my opinion, and many others'. _

"You know we won't know the results for a while but the doctor is very confident that I will be okay."

"Good!" He exclaims excitedly while kissing me on the cheek. I squeezed him once in my arms before setting him down and walking over to my best friend.

"Hey gorgeous! You look great, these are for you." He handed me my flowers and kissed my cheek sweetly.

"Thanks Johnny. He wasn't any trouble was he?" I asked as we followed Chase up the steps to the apartment. _So independent this one, a little too independent for my liking but…what can I do?_

"He was perfect as usual. Now, what is this I hear about you moving and leaving me behind?" He asked with a hurt look in his eye, oh right I hadn't told him yet. _Damn. _

"I was gonna tell you I swear. How did you find out?"

"I found out at the office, they gave your job to some bimbo that has been trying to get in my pants." I barked out a laugh as we entered the empty elevator behind my son. He just glared at me from the corner of his eye while pushing the button for my floor.

"And you haven't let her?"

"Not my type." He muttered in annoyance as we rode to the top with Chase chatting excitedly, telling me about his day in great detail. Effectively halting our conversation for the time being as he loved being center stage and hated being interrupted.

"Yeah you don't have a type." I said once Chase was in his room and we were alone in the kitchen. I sat my flowers on the counter top and set to opening the chocolates that were always my undoing. _Freaking truffles. _

"You are my type but you won't let me have that. Besides, I just haven't met the right girl yet. Anyway, back to the fact that you think you are leaving Chicago without me." I rolled my eyes, I wasn't gonna have him leave his life behind for me. He has lived here his whole life, I came around halfway through college and threw a wrench in his life that I didn't mean to do.

He didn't care though, he introduced me to all his friends and took care of me when he found out I was pregnant. He never left my side, even when I got sick. He is the only reason I have any friends here in Chicago. I don't know what I would do without Johnny in my life, I need him more than a fish needs water. But I can't ask this of him.

"Johnny, I don't wanna leave you but I can't ask you to leave your life behind. Chicago is all you know."

"No Bella! You and Chase are all I know! I can't let you leave without me, which is why," He paused with a devious look in his eyes…oh no, I know that look all too well. "I took the liberty of transferring with you, since I am already your assistant they didn't see a problem with it. So where are we living?" I didn't know what to say, I was gaping at him like a fish out of water. I had no words, I knew he was crazy but I didn't know it ran this deep.

"Are you serious right now?" I asked in a low whisper.

"Yeah, you really think you were going anywhere without me?"

"I had hoped I wouldn't have to." I admitted in a small voice, avoiding his gaze as it was smoldering me. I love him too much to lose him.

"You never have to do anything alone Bella, I'll always be here. So, how long do I have to pack?" He asked with a smirk as he popped one of my chocolates into his mouth.

"We leave Friday."

"Cool, my lease is up so now I don't have to renew it. What about you?"

"I informed my landlord a month in advance so I am good."

"Awesome." He leaned across the counter to kiss my cheek before heading to Chase's room.

I smiled to myself, well at least I will have one person with me. This is gonna be the hardest thing I have had to do in my life, well scratch that. Getting diagnosed with breast cancer was the hardest thing I have had to go through and that definitely takes center stage on this one.

Sighing I leaned up against the counter, I was just so tired. I can't lie anymore and I can't keep Chase away from his father anymore. Hell, I never wanted to in the first place but I had to. With everything that had happened there was nothing I could do, I had no choice. I had to leave, when I found out I was pregnant I tried to get in contact with him, any of them. The only one I could get ahold of was Carlisle, he had always been so gracious towards me. He was like my second father.

"_Hello?" _

"_Carlisle? It's Bella Swan." My heart was pounding in my ears, and a lump rose in my throat instantly. _

"_Bella? How are you sweetie? I've been so worried about you, where have you been? We tried finding you but you disappeared and your father wouldn't tell us where you went." He truly did care about me. That's good to know. _

"_Um, I am alright. I was calling to see if there was any way I could get in touch with Ed-um, him." There was a few beats of silence on the line before he answered me. _

"_He doesn't live in Forks anymore sweetie, he actually hasn't spoken to any of us since you left. He has been beating himself up the most, he misses you terribly, and he won't answer any of our calls. Especially mine." _

"_Oh…well, I need to talk to him Carlisle, please. It's important." He sighed slightly and I knew he was giving in. A lot had happened and I knew his and his son's relationship was the one that suffered the most…but I needed this. _

"_I'll try Bella, but there is no guarantee that he will listen to me or believe me. But I give you my word that I will do everything in my power. Can I keep this number and call you? So we can stay in touch?" I found myself smiling as I looked down at my protruding stomach, Johnny's eyes burning into the side of my head. _

"_Of course Carlisle. Thank you so much."_

_I sighed heavily and hung up the phone, the wounds are still fresh and I am still hurting so badly from the things he said and the things they did. But, I have to tell him that I am pregnant. He has a right to know, no matter how he feels about me. He needs to know that he is going to be a father, then the ball will be in his court on what he chooses to do. _

I never knew that when Carlisle called me again it would be to tell me that his son had took his call, and that he in fact did not believe that I got in touch. He was awful to his father, and it broke Carlisle more than I would ever know. And that was when I decided that he didn't need to know about his child.

Not if he was going to treat his own father so terribly. Carlisle and I stayed in touch, he never told his family that he knew where I was though. Or that I had a son, but there was one thing I had never told Carlisle, the reason why I had no explanation for ignoring his phone calls for four years. Only texting and emailing until I was alright enough to start calling again.

He was suspicious and he made that known every time we talked, but that was not something I needed to reveal over the phone. Hell I flew both my parents out to Chicago to tell them, if Carlisle suddenly flew out to Chicago then that would rise too many questions that couldn't be answered.

So, I didn't tell him. And I made my dad swear not to let it get out in the airwaves of Forks' gossip about my sickness. I didn't need gossip going on where I couldn't control it and whom it got to.

I didn't want anyone back in my hometown knowing, especially because I didn't want it getting back to _him. _I don't need or want sympathy from a man who threw me to the curb so coldly after proclaiming his love to me.

I was barely able to suppress the sharp pain that shot through my chest at the mere thought of it. Love can be a wonderful thing, but it can also be the worst thing to ever happen to you. One half of me wishes I had never fallen in love, the other half-the mother half; is glad that I fell in love.

Because if I hadn't of fallen in love, had a fling with an older man while I was a sophomore in college, then I wouldn't have my son, and I wouldn't have the amazing friends I have now. I never would have met Johnny, and now that I know him I cannot imagine my life without him. It would just be incomplete.

"Mom!" I was pulled from my thoughts as my nine year old came barreling into the room wearing a giant grin that had me smiling brightly.

"What is it baby?" I asked curiously while picking him up and setting him on the counter in front of me. He giggled, it's been a while since I have been able to pick him up and he has missed it immensely. Even though we both knew he would never admit to it, _nine year olds_. It was still a hard task of course, but I wanted normalcy and so I would have normalcy to the best of my ability.

"Uncle Johnny and I packed my room up! Now you don't have to worry about it!" He said with such excitement it was hard not to smile. They really did that? Was I thinking for that long? I looked up at Johnny to see him smiling sheepishly at me and rubbing the back of his neck.

"I didn't want you to have to worry about everything, I see you got a lot packed and I didn't want you getting too tired before the trip."

I walked over to him and pulled him into my arms for a hug, whispering my thanks in his ear before kissing his cheek and returning to my son.

"That was very sweet of you boys." I whispered while leaving as kiss on his forehead.

"Are we almost packed and ready to go mom?" He asked with those big curious green eyes he inherited from his father. He looks so much like him, but at the same time he doesn't…if that makes sense. He had a mixture of the both of us, his eyes, my hair color with curls and a red tint.

"Yeah, I just have to finish my room and a few more things in the living room and we will be ready. The movers come tomorrow at noon so I should have it done by then."

"I'll stay the night and help, are you taking the furniture with you?" Johnny asked curiously. There was no question with him, he made a decision and you had to go with it whether you liked it or not. But he always kept your best interest at heart.

"No, I am selling it to the landlord. I have new furniture waiting on us in Seattle, dad picked it up for me and took it to the house I bought."

"How many bedrooms?" I rolled my eyes, here comes the protective, always thinking safety and long haul Johnny Damron.

"Four bedrooms, three baths, two car garage, basement fully renovated, a beautiful kitchen, fairly big backyard, gorgeous front porch and a big ass living room. Must I go on?" Johnny rolled his eyes, he knew better than to think my father wouldn't go out and see the house and send me pictures.

My dad would never let me buy a house without checking it first, and because I couldn't be there to see it in person he had to do it. I am glad he did too, he didn't leave anything out, and I didn't expect anything less. And if it gets the dad or the Johnny stamp of approval then you know it is a good place.

"Alright you got me there." He muttered while heading to the fridge to grab a beer.

"Okay baby boy go get your bath and then get some pjs on. It's almost time for bed." I picked him up off the counter, he is getting too big for me to pick him up, and sent him to the bathroom. He ran off and I was finally able to breathe, I felt as if I had been holding my breath all day long.

Hell, it feels like I have been holding my breath for ten years.

"Hey, you okay?" I looked up to see Johnny standing beside me, not hovering, but standing protectively over me. If anyone cared about me in this world, besides my son and my family, it was Johnny.

"I'm fine, I just…feel so drained Johnny. The past ten years of my life have been crazy and I feel like I am just now regaining my footing. I don't know how to act, I don't know how to live without pill after pill and doctor's visits once every year as opposed to everyday. I don't know where to go from here, and now I am moving back to my hometown, the one place I swore I would never go back to. I don't know how to take this. It's like I am moving on autopilot, and I don't know what that is because I haven't truly lived in the past six years. I don't know what it is like to live anymore Johnny. I don't know what to do with myself."

By this point tears were streaming down my cheeks and I could barely hold my own weight. I was leaning heavily against the counter as silent sobs wracked through my chest. I couldn't take much more of this. Especially if I was truly about to go through with my plans of going back home and dragging my skeletons from the closet I had tried so hard to keep them in.

"Bells, hey come here." He pulled me into his arms and I couldn't hold back the sobs any longer.

"Are you sure you wanna go through with this? It can't be good for your health and I have a feeling that this is gonna be a lot of drama…I mean everything you told me was crazy Bella and I wasn't there and so I don't really know every little detail but I know enough. This could not be healthy for you baby, are you _truly_ sure about this?" I looked up at him, he had so much compassion and worry in his eyes. He cares so much about me, I'm glad I have him.

"I have to do this Johnny, I have to give Chase the chance to know his father. I can't keep hiding. I won't do it anymore."

He looked down into my eyes and studied me closely, if anyone knew me anymore…it was Johnny. He knows me inside and out, he truly is my best friend and nothing can ever change that. He knows what I am thinking, he can tell when something is bothering me, and he knows when I am hurting or am in pain. He's been with me through everything.

"Alright, you know I'll be there with you every step of the way. Now, get go your munchkin ready for bed and I will start in on the rest of the living room." He kissed my head before sending me off with a pat on the butt.

I just shook my head and went off to Chase's room that was now bare as all his stuff was packed away in boxes that will be leaving tomorrow. A few clothes and toys were left unpacked so he would have something to preoccupy his time with of course, I'm not stupid.

"Hey baby, I see you're all snuggled up already." I said with a smile as I sat down on his bed. He smiled up at me and laughed as I tickled his sides softly.

"Do I get a story?" he asked once he had calmed down and we were both smiling like fools. I knew he would want a story, I've been telling him stories about his father since before he knew what I was saying. He loved them. And it helped me tell him more about his father, it helped to appease him until he actually got to meet him, if he ever does.

"Of course you do baby. Hm, let me think. How about the time your dad and I went to the zoo together?" His eyes got real big and he got the biggest smile on his face. He loved hearing stories of me and his father. Yeah…wish it was easier for me to tell them.

"It was an unusually sunny day in Seattle and we wanted to go out and do something for a change. So your dad took me to the zoo, we spent all day there. He took me to all the exhibits, he took me to eat and we took millions of pictures. He also bought me a pink elephant because you know how much your mom loves elephants. He also bought me a cute little zebra that still sits on my bed."

"Zebras are your favorite! Uncle Johnny and I always get you one for your birthday!" I couldn't help but to smile. I can't even count all the zebras I have.

"That's exactly right, so after we finished walking around the zoo for _hours _your dad had another surprise for me. Your dad was so sweet baby, I'm sure he still is but I don't know that for sure anymore. Like I've told you, something happened and we just fell apart. That happens, but I need you to know that I loved your father very much. He treated your mother very well, and it showed in everything he did. So, after our day at the zoo we went back to his house and we watched movies, it was something simple. And you know how much I love simple, but that wasn't the surprise."

"What was it?" he asked eagerly, his eyes drooping slightly.

"He gave me a ring, this one actually." I pulled the necklace I was wearing out from under my shirt to show him the diamond ring that was strung on the chain. His eyes widened when he saw the sparkle of the pretty diamond.

"It was a promise ring, a promise that…no matter what we would always find our way back to one another." I whispered, trying to suppress the tears.

"It's pretty. Are you guys gonna get back together?" I blanched, this was the first time he had ever asked _that _question. And he was very inquisitive about his father.

"Um, I don't know honey. The situation is complicated, I tried to call your dad and tell him about you when I found out I was pregnant but he would never return his families calls. So for now, until I can reach him, he doesn't know about you. But my main priority is you, and it always will be. When we get to Washington let's get settled first and then I will start looking for him."

"And then I can meet him?"

"After he and I have had the chance to talk, like I said. I don't know what he is like now, and people change. I am sure he would love to meet you though."

"What if he doesn't like me?" he asked with a yawn while closing his eyes. I leaned over and kissed his head before standing.

"He will love you." With that I turned his lamp off and slipped out of the room, shutting the door quietly behind me.

"Those stories make me angrier every time you tell em Bells." Johnny grits as I walk into the living room to help pack up the last box, he works fast. Now only my room is left.

"Yeah, they aren't much easier for me to tell. Okay, can we not talk about this? I'm drained and I just wanna finish packing so we can go to bed."

"Alright that's fine with me baby girl. Let's hop to it!" I giggled at his enthusiasm, I swear he is never tired a day in his life. He is almost more energetic than my nine year old, and that is saying something.

The rest of the night was spent with light conversation and laughter as we finished packing my room and moving the boxes to the living room for the movers when they arrived in the morning. We finished with good time too, it was only eleven thirty when we finally crawled into my big queen sized bed.

"Night B."

"Night Johnny, stay on your side!"

"_Dammit!" _I giggled like a little school girl before easily falling asleep.

* * *

"Hello?"

"Hey daddy."

"Bella! Hey honey, did you guys get in alright?" I smiled as I listened to my father's voice, I have missed him so much.

"Yeah we actually just landed. Are you working today? Do you mind if we come and get my car and stop by to see you?"

"No not at all, I'd love to see you guys, you brother is actually coming over today I know he will be excited to see you!" My smile widened at the mention of my brother, I haven't seen him since he came to Chicago to see me last year. I really miss him, he was my rock when everything went down ten years ago.

"Sounds great, we'll be down soon."

"Alright baby I love you."

"I love you too daddy."

I hung up the phone and joined my two favorite boys over by baggage claim where they had already grabbed our luggage. I smiled at them as I approached with the key to our rental.

"Ready to go see Grandpa, Chase?"

"Yeah!"

"Alright let's go." Johnny grabbed the bigger bags and I took mine and his carry on while Chase carried his backpack and duffle.

"You don't mind driving do you?" I asked Johnny quietly, slightly out of breath as we made it to the rental half way down the lot. He looked at me through the corner of his eye, suspicion and worry caking his features as he watched me intently. He was always on edge when it came to my health, he wasn't the only one and I didn't blame him but it could get a little annoying.

"I don't mind, you tired?" he asked concerned as we put the bags in the trunk as Chase got in the back seat.

"Just a little, haven't traveled in a while is all."

"Bella don't give me that _bullshit_." He snapped in annoyance, looking me straight in the eye. All joking was out the window when it came to me and my wellbeing.

"Johnny, I'm fine. I just need a nap, I'll sleep on the way to Forks okay?" He watched me carefully, calculating his next move. Finally he nodded his head once stiffly and took the keys from me.

Once settled in I laid back slightly and covered up with my blanket I kept out for the plane ride. I felt a kiss to my temple just as I closed my eyes and heard the soft voice of my baby boy whispering in my ear.

"Sleep good mom, feel better." My heart clenched in my chest, I couldn't say anything back I just bit my tongue and let myself drift off to sleep.

Chanting that I was fine and it was nothing to worry about. _I'm fine, I haven't traveled since before Chase was born….it just took a lot out of me, and all that packing. That's what it is, nothing to worry about. Nothing at all…_

* * *

"Bella, baby we're here." I sat up slightly and looked around a little disoriented. Looking around my surroundings I could faintly make out the greenery of Forks. Finally my eyes landed on the white two story house that had been my childhood home.

I smiled a small smile before stretching out and looking to Johnny, noticing my little monkey wasn't in the back seat anymore.

"He went on in with your dad, he didn't wanna wake you 'cause you looked so peaceful but I told him I would get you up." He whispered softly, his eyes penetrating as he studied me like a science experiment.

He was just worried, but I was okay now. I felt refreshed and brand new, well almost. But I wasn't as tired as when we got off the plane.

"Well, are we gonna sit here or are we going in? I'd like to see my dad and brother." This brought a smile to his face, thank god.

We got out of the car and walked into my childhood home arm in arm. The sounds of laughter filtered from the living room and it warmed my heart, I hadn't noticed Garrett's car already in the drive until we got to the front door. I'm excited to see him and my dad. I've missed them a lot.

"Bella!"

"Garrett!" I squealed in excitement as he ran up to me and pulled me into his arms, spinning me in a circle and holding me tightly in his arms. I've missed his bear hugs and his scruffy beard on my cheek. You'd think being a doctor he would be cleaner shaven but nope, not my brother.

"I've missed you baby sis. And look at you, you look a lot better Bells. And look at that hair, grew back curlier than ever. I'm guessing you're leaving it short huh?" He asked with a bright smile once he had finally set me down.

"Yeah, I don't wanna deal with it long again. Plus I like it this way and I am just happy that I have hair again." _They said it wasn't bad enough and that my hair wouldn't fall out…well weren't we all surprised when it started coming out in clumps?_

"Do I get a hug?" He asked with a soft smile and a twinkle in his eye.

"Of course you do daddy." I whispered with thick emotion as I stepped out of my brother's arms and into my fathers.

"I've missed you, and your brother is right. You look great baby."

"Thanks daddy, I've missed you too."

We stood in one another's arms for a little while longer until my oaf of a best friend decided to ruin the moment.

"I don't know about you kid but I'm getting bored with all this emotional crap."

"I should have left you in Chicago." I muttered in fake seriousness as I pulled away from Charlie's arms.

"That hurts Bell." He said while feigning hurt and putting his hands over his heart. Garrett and Charlie were trying to suppress their laughter at the situation.

"Stop being such a drama queen, you're a bad influence on my son." This had him gaping at me like a fish and my dad and brother laughing hysterically. _Our relationship, isn't it beautiful?_

I rolled my eyes and made my way into the living room to sit down on the couch beside a smiling Chase, he was used to this so it didn't faze him much.

"Why don't you tell Grandpa Charlie and Uncle Gar about the plane ride baby?"

"_Mom, _I'm not a baby anymore." He groaned while giving me those puppy green eyes of his.

"Sorry, sorry. Won't happen again." I said with a smirk as I held my hands up in surrender. He was growing up too damn fast for my liking.

He went into a really long and animated description of our journey and all the new things he experienced. It was his first time on a plane and he loved every second of it, and he didn't mind the attention he got from the flight attendants either.

_Neither did Johnny. _I thought with a roll of my eyes.

"Hey B, where is the pharmacy around here?" John asked with a quirk of his brow once Chase had finished his story, he knew better than to interrupt the little ball of fury.

"You'll never find it honey, what do you need?" I asked while standing up and grabbing my car keys from the hook in the kitchen. I am so glad I had my car sent out here, I've missed it and it has only been three days.

I offered to go because let's face it Johnny is probably the biggest dipshit on the face of this earth and with that being said he is absolutely terrible with directions. He'd get lost before he pulled out of the driveway, if it hadn't of been for the GPS in the rental he never would have found Charlie's house.

"My doctor back in Chicago called my prescription in and it should be here today."

"I'll get it for you. You stick here with the Swan men and I'll be back, I need some fresh air anyway."

"You sure you're up for driving Bells?" He asked with a dubious look in his eye. So I retorted with a 'shut the hell up look' and he did so. Driving calms me and they all knew it.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Come give me a hug Chase I'll be back." He bounded up to me and jumped up into my arms, planting a big wet kiss on my cheek.

"I love you." I kissed him back and set him on his feet once again.

"Love you mom be careful." There was a pang in my chest at his words…the same words _Edward _used many times. I smiled it off and headed out the door as the men yelled for me to be careful and to call if I needed them.

_Man they are so overprotective. _

I shook my head, got in my baby and headed for Forks pharmacy smack dab in the middle of town. I knew someone was bound to see me of course and that didn't surprise me in the slightest, there are just a few select people that I wish to avoid. Like, the Cullen's, Jessica Stanley, Mike Newton…I don't need such a reunion just yet, and I definitely don't need drama or gossip starting off so quickly.

The gossip is sure to happen of course and I am definitely expecting it, but I really don't need it my first day back.

I passed through the small little town and made my way to the small shopping center that consisted of the market, Newton's sporting goods, the pharmacy and the gas station. Nothing special in this Podunk town.

With a deep breath I grabbed my purse and stepped out of my black window tinted car and headed for the pharmacy with my head held high, praying no one talked to me. I was aware of the stares I was receiving as I made my way toward the pharmacy, some were pointing and whispering, others were looking on suspiciously and trying to figure out who the hell I was.

I looked different since the last time I was here, I'm not nineteen years old anymore. I am a twenty nine year old woman, curly brown hair that barely reached the tops of my shoulders, it was lighter now too, and almost blonde but that is just the way it grew back. I've had a kid and gone through a battle with breast cancer since the last time these people saw me, all that is bound to change a woman.

What these people thought of me didn't really matter much though. I never had many friends when I lived in Forks, I had my brother, Alistair whom was my best friend in the whole world, Alice Cullen, Edward Masen-Cullen, Emmett McCarthy and Miracle Daniels who, besides Alistair, I have missed like crazy.

We were the three musketeers Alistair, Miracle and I.

I nearly let a tear escape at that thought, they probably won't talk to me now even if I were to run into them. I miss them a lot, I called them after I left, individually and then together. They missed me, they wanted to come and see me but I told them it would be too hard on me when they left. I didn't wanna tell them the truth…that I had breast cancer and I didn't want them seeing their best friend like that.

They always wrote me though, every day I would get a letter from each of them. Saying how much they missed me, how much they loved me and wished they had the money to come see me or stay with me for a while.

We talked through Charlie after a while, I told him he could keep them updated on me. And boy did he, they always told me what they talked about every time they wrote. It brought a smile and tears to my eyes. I still have all the letters they sent me, they are packed up in a box somewhere at the new house.

I really hope that I can see them soon, explain everything to them. Why I left, well they knew that reason…they were the only ones in Forks who knew that I had a child-besides my dad, Garrett, and Carlisle of course-why I didn't let them come see me, why I wouldn't talk on the phone.

I wanted to tell it all. And I needed them to be the first to hear it, and then I would find Edward. But, if I didn't see them before Edward then he will definitely be the first to know…well no, not about my previous bout with cancer but I will tell him about Chase and then…maybe I will tell him. _Maybe._

It just depends on who he is now.

I shook the thoughts as I headed into the pharmacy, looking around to refresh my memory until I saw the pharmacist standing behind the counter sorting some medication. I shivered, I hate taking pills…

"Hi, excuse me. I'm here to pick up a prescription." The man looked up at me and both our eyes widened. _Speak of the devil. _

"Alistair? What…what are you doing here?" I was barely able to rasp out even the slightest whisper.

"Be-Bella? Is that you? Oh my god I never thought I was gonna see you of all people back in Forks. How are you baby? It's been so long, what are you doing here?" his grey eyes were full of shock as he leaned up against the counter for support.

"Um, I'm moving to Seattle. I wanted to be closer to Charlie, Chase needs his grandpa and Uncle in his life. Well, both Uncles I guess since Johnny decided to bring himself along." I huffed with a slight eye roll, he watched my every movement as if I were going to disappear at any second.

"Johnny, that's the friend who helped you in Chicago right?"

"Yeah that's him. So look at you, a pharmacist huh? What happened to becoming a doctor hot shot?" I asked with a smile, he returned it full force…same Alistair I know and love.

"Yeah well I had to take a year off from school after that car accident I was in and so I kind of fell behind. I'm taking classes at Seattle to finish up my degree, this just pays the bills for now."

"I know how that goes." I said with a rueful smile. _Boy did I ever. _

"Yeah having Chase must've been a dozy. So, what can I get for you milady?" he asked in a grand gesture, making me laugh just like old times. I wasn't about to correct him, not just yet anyway.

"I need to pick up Johnny's prescription. It should be under Damron."

"Alright, so are you two together or?" he let the question filter off as he grabbed Johnny's meds. I rolled my eyes, _why do people always ask that?_

"No Johnny and I are not together, he is like a brother to me. Just like you and Miracle. He was there for me when I didn't have anybody in a big city. He helped me through my pregnancy and a pretty rough time." I whispered the last bit as I averted my eyes.

I can't tell him here, and I definitely can't tell him without Mir.

"Okay, okay. I'll take a hint, so do I get to call you now that you are back for good?" he asked with a playful smirk as he rang me up. Johnny owes me for this.

"Yes, my number is still the same and if it is okay with you I'd like to get you and Mir together one day soon and talk. There is some stuff I wanted to tell you guys and I really didn't wanna do it over the phone."

_Why are you acting so skittish? It's not like you are telling him right now. _

He looked at me closely, he knew me better than anyone…maybe even Johnny, and he knew when something was on my mind. But he would never push me to tell him until I was ready, that's one of the best things about Alistair…so easy to get alone with.

"Yeah, I'll call him when I get off work and then I will call you to set up a day and time. Here you go, you look great by the way Bells." I blushed scarlet as I took the medicine and stuffed my card back into my wallet as the bell on the door rang to signal another customer.

"Thanks Al, I'll see you later."

"Yes you will, you aren't getting away from us again sweetheart." I giggled and waved while turning to leave.

I stopped dead in my tracks before I could even take two steps…oh _shit._

"Isabella?" Green eyes met brown when I looked up into the devil's face itself.

"Esme…hi."

I felt as if I had just gotten punched in the gut, all the breath had left my lungs in a whopping whoosh. This was the exact thing I feared would happen, she was definitely the one Cullen I did not want to see so soon.

"Wow, I never thought I would see you here ever again. How long are you staying?" she asked with a condescending look, as if she truly cared.

"I'm just passing through Forks actually. I just moved to Seattle, we got in today actually." _Why am I telling her this? She doesn't care, and I don't need to be indulging her. First thing she will do is go and tell her family she saw me. _

"Oh well I assume you will be in Forks seeing your father a lot yes?"

"As much as I can, but I will be in Seattle for the better part of the month trying to get settled into the house." _Tread lightly Bella this woman is quicksand and you know it. _

"Well I hope you get settled." She gave me a fake smile and stepped around me to get to the counter where I was sure Alistair had been paying extra close attention to the conversation.

I took a deep breath and started to make my way from the pharmacy when she called my attention once more. I turned slowly to look at her, she had a sinister smile on her face of course…why does this not surprise me?

"Yes?"

"Expect a visit from Alice the next time you are in town." _Shit. _

Without saying a word I turned on my heel and left, who the hell does that woman think she is?! _Ugh!_

With a heavy heart I made my way back to Charlie's house, if she was going to tell Alice I was here….then she sure as hell would tell the rest of that family.

Which means Edward will be knocking on my door soon. _Great, just great Bella. _


	2. Chapter 2

I could barely see straight as I drove through the small town of Forks at dangerous speeds. There was so much on my mind, it was as if my thoughts were warring with themselves. Fighting for dominance over which thought was more painful.

They all were to be honest.

Pictures of him, of _us _fighting assaulted my senses as I drove down the street toward my childhood home. By the time I pulled into the driveway I could barely hold it together, sobs were bubbling up my chest and out my mouth violently.

It was all I could do to get the car stopped before I crashed into something. Once I had the car stopped Johnny was out the door at full speed.

"Bella! Bella baby what's wrong?" He asked in a panic as he ripped the door open, almost ripping it off the hinges in the process.

He grabbed me in his arms and held on tight, consoling me as best as he could without really knowing why I was so upset.

"Baby what happened?" he looked me in the eye and stroked my cheek to fight away the tears.

"I just saw the bitch from hell." I rasped in a strangled tone of voice as I looked up at him with a red blotchy face and bloodshot eyes.

He looked at me slightly confused but continued to stroke my hair and rock me slightly even though I was still in the car and buckled up.

"And who would that be exactly?" I looked up into his eyes and let a few more tears slip before I spoke finally.

"Esme Cullen."

It was almost like flipping a switch, because as soon as the words left my mouth his eyes grew wide and anger took over his every feature. His eyes were furious, his lips were pursed tightly together and his hands balled into fists. One rested on my thigh while the other rested against the open car door frame.

"What did she say? Was there anyone else? Where did you see her?"

"Johnny calm down! It was just her, I ran into her at the drug store. Alistair was there so don't worry, she wasn't threatening or anything…she just told me to expect a visit from Alice the next time I am in Forks. She was very condescending."

He let out a gust of air and leaned his forehead against his arm to try and calm himself down. I slipped my seat belt off and turned so that my legs were now outside of the car and I was facing him fully. I then began stroking his hair soothingly to try and calm him down, Johnny has one hell of a temper and it does not need to be unleashed right now.

"You didn't see any other Cullen?" He mumbled against his arm, still not looking up at me.

"No, just her. And believe me when I say I would rather have seen anyone else. I'd rather of seen Alice than her, and Alice and I did not leave each other on good terms."

"Did any of you leave on good terms Bella? I mean really?" his head snapped up, his eyes trained on mine.

"Carlisle and I did." I replied sullenly while looking down somewhat guiltily. He knew Carlisle and I were the only ones whom were able to maintain a relationship after everything that happened.

Carlisle was one of the only ones who had truly cared enough about me to maintain contact.

"Can you drive home?" I asked suddenly, causing his head to shoot up like a rocket. Concern deep in his eyes.

"You don't wanna stay for a little longer?"

"I just….I'm really tired Johnny, the trip took a lot out of me. If we stay I won't be much company." I don't want any of them worrying about me, but with everything I've been through it's inevitable.

"Okay baby, you jump in the passenger seat and I'll go grab Chase and tell everyone we're leaving."

I nodded my head weakly and did as he said, keeping my hand on the car all the way to the other side just so that I wouldn't fall over. I didn't even notice Johnny's eyes on me until I was sitting in the passenger seat.

The look in his eyes said it all….he was scared for me. Yeah, well I was scared for me too but I was more afraid for my son. I haven't gotten my test results back yet, and it makes me nervous because I haven't felt like this since I was sick the first time.

I rubbed my right shoulder where my tattoo was as I laid my head back on the seat, I was so tired. Before Johnny ever came back or anyone came to say bye I was out like a light.

Sitting in the middle of the living room cross legged, my jeans, heels and scarf long gone and replaced by jean shorts, leg warmers, and a grey beanie. I was busy sifting through the many boxes that we have yet to get halfway through. We have been home for a few hours, I slept the whole way here and another hour after we got home, so to say that I was behind is an understatement.

Johnny and Chase got most of Chase's bedroom unpacked and it looked really cute. It was dinosaur themed just like back in Chicago except I had it painted a different color. There were two boxes left in his room but it was already past his bedtime so I made him go to sleep with promises that he could finish tomorrow. That appeased him easily.

_Thankfully. _

"Hey you find the blankets and pillows yet?" Johnny asked as he strolled into the room, sipping on his beer.

"I'm trying, I found the movie and book boxes though. I swore I put a blanket in one of them but I thought wrong."

"I thought you labeled all the boxes B?"

"I did but I think some of them got mixed up. Because I can't find the living room decorations, or the furniture stuff so I think that they might have been put in another room by accident. Besides, a box that is supposed to be in my bedroom was in the kitchen so I am sure we will be finding mix matched boxes for a while." I said with an annoyed eye roll.

This _shit _would take forever to unpack, probably more than a month. And Chase can't help with everything because there is a lot of breakables. We have all new bedroom furniture and living room furniture so it isn't like we had any heavy lifting like that to do. It's just getting the right boxes in the right rooms along with putting everything where I want it and where it needs to be.

"Well don't stress over it, how about tomorrow we start with Chase's room since it is almost done and then have Charlie or Garrett come and take him for the day and then you and I can go through all the boxes and make sure they are in the right rooms and then we will get with the game plan on what rooms to tackle first. Between the two of us I am sure we can finish before the month ends."

I looked up at him from my spot on the floor and couldn't help but smile. He was so sweet, he always knew how to talk me down…always knew the words to say.

"Thanks Johnny." I leaned my head all the way back and puckered my lips for a kiss. He chuckled adorably before stepping over to plant one on me. He pretty much had to bend all the way at the waist, but hey I was sitting on the floor for crying out loud.

"Anytime sweetie, and hey I saw that new flat screen in your room. Why don't I have one in mine?"

I scoffed as I got up off the floor with his help.

"Because I wasn't paying three thousand dollars for flat screen TV's."

"How much was yours and the one here in the living room?" he asked with wide incredulous eyes. Yeah look at me like that buddy, I wasn't the one who spent five grand on a TV, gaming system and a surround sound.

"Collectively a thousand, two hundred and fifty dollars. Daddy and Garrett got me a good deal, the small flat screen in Chase's room was only two hundred but Garrett bought that. Said it was his welcome home present from uncle Gar." I said with an eye roll as I made my way into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water.

"Damn, what else did those two buy for a welcome home present?" John asked with a smirk as he leaned across the counter. Eyes never leaving my form as I stood across him sipping my water.

"Let's see…Chase's TV, dad bought me a new book shelf, two actually so now I have four, um, Garrett bought a few pictures for my room and my office. They didn't get you _shit, _and there is a few other things that I just can't think of right now."

I couldn't help but to giggle slightly, I mean I couldn't help myself I had to say it. And the look on his face right now was all the satisfaction that I needed. He was just too easy, his eyes were hard as he squinted at me, those nostrils flaring.

"That was cold Bells…I mean _ice cold." _

"You'll live." I mumbled as I screwed the cap back onto the bottle.

He was about to make a smart ass remark when he was interrupted by my phone going off. It played _'This Love'_ which was Alistair's old ringtone. I answered eagerly, I miss my boys so much and I was so excited to see him today. Hopefully I will be able to get together with him and Mir soon.

"Hey long time no see stranger." I greeted with a smile as I leaned up against the counter.

"Hey beautiful, I talked to Miracle a little while ago and he was ecstatic to find out that you were back. Wants to see you as soon as possible." I could hear the smile in his voice even though I couldn't see him.

"I would love that Al, when can you guys meet up? I'm free for a while I don't start my new job here for another month or two so that I can get settled."

"I'm off Monday and so is Mir, that sound okay with you?"

"Sounds great to me, wanna meet here in Seattle or?" _Please say Seattle, please say Seattle. _

"Seattle because after today I don't want you to have any more run ins with any of the Cullen's until you are ready. Cause I'll tell ya baby girl, I was about as shocked as you were when she walked in that door, she never comes into the Pharmacy, it's always Carlisle so I have no idea why she chose today of all days to come in."

"Hey don't worry about it, I'm alright. No harm no foul. So where would you guys want to meet up or would you just want to come over to the house? I would much rather be in a more private environment you know?"

He was quiet for a moment, he knew how I was when it came to crowds and being around so many people. But, he also knew me better than anyone and so he could hear the nervousness in my voice as I spoke. And after the way today went, he could tell something was up, hell he could tell something was up when I wouldn't call them.

"Yeah that would be great Bells, just send me your address and we will be there Monday."

"Okay sounds good, I'm gonna head off to bed but I will text it to you in the morning okay?"

"Alright baby sounds good, love you Bells."

"Love you too Al, night."

"Night."


	3. Chapter 3

_This was it, the day I had been waiting for my entire life. _

_My wedding day. _

_I was standing by the doors, waiting for them to open so that I could see the man that I love. It's been years, but we are finally getting it right. I smiled brightly as the doors opened wide to reveal the long aisle with thousands of people on either side. Smiling back at me. _

_With my head held high I walked down the aisle slowly, never taking my eyes from his green pools. He was so good looking. Everything I have ever wanted or needed in a man. _

_All wrapped into one. Edward Cullen. _

_I smiled at him but he didn't smile back, instead he gave me an evil smirk…what? _

_I stopped halfway down the aisle, my heart twisting in agony as I watched him take __**her **__into his arms. He set her in a low dip and kissed her passionately like he once did for me. _

_My heart shattered in my chest, people were laughing at my mortification as the two continued to kiss in front of me. The room began spinning, I looked down at my dress and saw that it wasn't what I had imagined. It was dark and gruesome, just like my relationship. Fake. _

_I looked back up, tears streaming down my face as Edward stood back up to attention with her still in his arms. She smiled devilishly at me, the girl who was once my friend…until she betrayed me. Until they __**both **__betrayed me. She had never been my friend, she was just using me to get to Edward…_

_With tears in my eyes I turned and ran down the aisle, it seemed to go on forever….my heart ached, it felt like it had shattered into a million tiny pieces. _

I jolted upright, gasping for air. I felt like I couldn't breathe, that dream…it was so, so vivid. It felt like it was really happening.

"Bells? Baby what's wrong?" I looked over my shoulder to see Johnny sitting on the side of the bed, already dressed and ready for the day ahead. He looked alarmed.

"I had the worst dream….it felt so vivid, so real Johnny." I sniffled softly as a tear slipped down my cheek.

He was beside me in a second enveloping me in his big strong arms. Always there to comfort me.

"Wanna tell me about it?" He asked against my forehead as he soothed me.

"Not really."

"Okay, I won't push you I promise. We got Chase's room done, I called Garrett to come and pick him up. He'll be here in five minutes."

I smiled against his shirt, he was always taking care of me.

"What would I do without you Johnny?" I asked with a smile as I looked up at him, he was smiling right back.

"Probably go stir crazy." We laughed in unison, he was totally right.

"Okay, let's get me out of bed. We have a lot to do today and I want to get started as soon as possible."

John helped out of bed and we parted ways. He went to Chase and I went to my new walk-in closet where my boxes and suitcases full of clothes and shoes were already stored. This will be a fun project to tackle…_not. _

Rolling my eyes I decided to go for something casual and grabbed some leggings, converse and a quarter sleeve Aztec t-shirt. I pulled the sleeves up over my elbows to reveal my tattoo as I slipped on my dream catcher necklace and my arrow ring.

I combed through my hair quickly before making my way downstairs to the kitchen to find Chase sitting at the bar eating his cereal.

"Morning Chase, sleep good in your new room?" I kissed the top of his head and ruffled his hair, making him groan in protest. But I could see the small smile trying to crack through, my little man couldn't fool me.

"Yeah, mom I love it! And Grandpa and Uncle Garrett painted it before we got here so one of the walls are green! It's so cool!" I knew he'd like it.

I loved watching him talk, he got so animated about things. His eyes just light up when he talks about something he is passionate about.

"Well I'm glad you like it buddy. You excited about going to hang out with Uncle Gar today?"

He nodded his head furiously as he had food in his mouth, I taught him good manners.

"He didn't tell me what we were doing today though, he said it was a surprise. So I can't wait to see what he has planned, because Uncle Garrett is always a lot of fun!"

I couldn't help but smile, Chase really looked up to Garrett. He looked up to Johnny too, but he understood the different between Garrett and Johnny's standings as his Uncles. I have a very bright boy, he loves to learn and he loves to spend time with his Uncles.

"Well, I hope you guys have fun today." Right as I said this there was a knock on the door signaling that my brother was here.

"Uncle Garrett!" Chase screamed in excitement, jumping from the bar and running to the door.

Johnny picked up his bowl with a smile, knowing that Chase wasn't going to finish now that Gar was here. I sat down on the bar stool with a smile as I listened to Chase ramble on excitedly with his Uncle, practically dragging him into the room.

Gar looked up at me with an overwhelmed smile, I smiled back sympathetically as he sent me a wink. Reassuring me he could handle my little bundle of life, he was so full of excitement all the time…it's hard to keep up sometime.

"Mom, can I stay with Uncle Gar tonight? Pleeeeaaasseeee?" he begged excitedly, jumping up and down slightly as Garrett and Johnny snickered at his excitement.

I rolled my eyes discreetly, knowing this was definitely a notion that was put into my sons head by my brother. He wanted to give me a break, so he decided it was his job to take my son off my hands. I love my brother.

"Of course baby, go pack an overnight bag real quick."

"YAY!" he jumped in the air with a slight fist bump to the air before taking off towards his room just down the hall.

"You better pack your toiletries and underwear Chase I will check your bag before you go!" I warned sternly before looking up at my big brother, unable to stop the tears from stinging my eyes.

"Thanks Gar." He smiled brightly at me before pulling me into his arms for a tight hug.

"You're welcome baby, you know I'd do anything for you." He kissed my forehead and held me for just a little while longer before releasing me with a pat on the shoulder.

We sat in silence for a while as Johnny cleaned up from breakfast and poured me some coffee.

_He is such a good housewife. _

I smirked as I thought this, he would make some girl very happy one day.

"So, where are you taking my child today?" I asked with a expectant look on my face as I sipped my coffee.

"I thought I'd take him to training camp. Second day of Seahawks training camp, thought he would enjoy meeting some players and get some autographs."

"That sounds awesome Garrett! Chase will love that, but you do know he is a Chicago fan right?"

He rolled his eyes dramatically before answering me.

"Yeah well I change that real quick. Like you said, he'll enjoy it immensely."

"Yeah he will, don't go to crazy today though."

"Oh Bells chill out, he's my nephew and I don't get to see him often. It's not like buying him merch is going to break me Bells."

I rolled my eyes, always the extravagancy, but my big brother does love to spoil me and my son. Ever since I that day I found out I was sick four years ago, he has done everything he could for me. He's bought me everything, paid for everything he could, he has supported me for a long time and I hated it but at the same time…I didn't mind it, because he's my brother and he just wanted to take care of me and my little boy. And he did a great job of it.

"Thanks Gar, you really don't know how much this means to me…everything you've done for me and Chase. You're the best brother I could ask for."

I kissed his cheek in thanks just as Chase ran back into the room excitedly.

"I'm ready!" He yelled excitedly as he watched the exchange between me and his uncle. His eyes went from excited to soft in just mere seconds.

"You okay mom?" he asked in concern for his mother.

"I'm fine baby, just catching up with your Uncle, come here so I can check your bag." He stood there for a minute, contemplating. Just looking between me and Gar, making sure everything really was okay. He worries about his mama, and he is definitely overprotective when it comes to me.

"Okay." He finally decided everything was okay and waltzed over to where I was sitting and handing me his little book bag.

I quickly nosed through it because I knew they had to get going. Once I was satisfied that he had all he needed I helped him put the bag on and walked out with them.

"I love you baby, have fun and call me tonight before you go to bed okay?" I asked as I gave him a big hug outside the truck.

"Okay mom I will, love you too." He gave me a big kiss on the cheek before climbing into the back seat and buckling up. I closed the door behind him and turned to my big brother who had a broad smile on his face.

"I'll have him home by about one tomorrow, give you some time to finish unpacking if you aren't already done by then. And if you are, it'll be some R&amp;R." we both laughed as he pulled me in for another hug.

"Thanks Gar, be careful and have fun!"

"We will baby girl. Don't let Johnny get you into any trouble!" he yelled as he got into the truck.

I just rolled my eyes and waved at them from the porch as they pulled out of the driveway. I watched them drive off until I couldn't see them any longer.

With a smile I turned and headed back into the house to find Johnny starring at one of the many boxes in the living room.

"They won't unpack themselves John. You actually have to open it and take stuff out." I said with a smirk as I breezed past him to go into the kitchen.

"What is this?" He asked through clenched teeth, I looked up to see him glaring daggers at me.

This was something new, since when does he give me looks like that? He didn't move from his spot as he glared. I looked to the box he was standing in front of to see an old album. _Shit. _

"Johnny-"

"No Bella! What the hell is this?" My eyes watered and sobs threatened to break through my throat.

He picked up the offending black book and I nearly lost it. It was a book of pictures, documents, things I tried to bury deep. I never wanted to talk about it, so I kept it hidden, from Chase, Johnny and myself.

"Well?" he yelled as he threw it in front of me, easily getting my attention. It landed with a loud smack on the counter, causing me to jump out of my skin.

"I didn't want you finding this." I whispered brokenly as I starred at the front cover, tears began to slide down my cheeks and I wanted to curse every last one of them.

Why does my past keep coming up? Why does it have to keep smacking me in the face every time I seem to catch my breath? I guess that's just my luck, my ghosts have followed me all my life and now that I am back to my roots they are definitely going to pop up.

"You can't continue hiding what happened from me Bells, now that we are here we are going to be facing these people. And I need to know what we are up against, I need the whole run down, please Bells. _Please_."

I looked up at him to see there was no longer anger, it was replaced with pleading and remorse. It kills me to leave him in the dark, but telling him everything entails telling Alistair and Miracle. They should be here any minute, they know some of the story and can help me….besides it's easier to air everything out all at once.

Whipping my tears away with the palm of my hand I sniffled once before speaking, trying to give myself a chance to calm down.

"Alistair and Miracle should be here any minute, its best if everything gets hashed out all at once John. Besides they don't know the whole story either, best we wait for them."

Before he had the chance to rebuke me there was a sharp, but overly excited knock on the door. Signaling the arrival of my long time best friends, with a proverbial huff of surrender John turned and went to answer the door.

"You're lucky they got here so fast or I would have made you tell me everything before they got here." He grumbled adorably as he walked to the door.

"I know baby, love you!" I mocked him lovingly, he just flipped me the bird playfully.

With a heavy weight on my chest I grabbed the book and took it into the living room, laying it down gently on the coffee table when I heard the boys come into the room. Without warning I was in the arms of Miracle who picked me up and twirled me around in a circle.

"Good to see you too Mir, missed you buddy."

"I missed you like crazy Bells! Damn you look great girl." He sat me down, giving me a better look at one of my best friends. He looked so different since the last time I saw him.

He was taller-even though he'd always been taller than me-cleaner shaven than John, Alistair and my brother put together. Short jet black hair that was gelled perfectly, stunning green eyes, perfectly toned body. He was the typical rugged bad boy, except he was sweeter than a basket of puppies and so he wasn't fooling anyone with the leather jacket and motorcycle.

"Thanks Mir, you look pretty great yourself." I complimented with tears stinging my eyes, I hate that.

I looked over to see the man himself smiling crookedly at me like only he could. Cocky _son of a_ _bitch. _Shaking my head at him with a slight smirk I gestured for him to come and hug me before I clocked him.

"Hey B, good to see you again princess." He whispered in my ear as he kissed my cheek affectionately.

"You too Al."

"So where's the little munchkin?" Mir asked as he plopped on the couch, nope hasn't changed an inch.

"He's with Garrett, he gets bored easily so unpacking is not the best suit for him. Thanks for coming over so soon guys, I really need to tell you all some things. It's better to get everything out now and not leave anything untold."

"Yeah, Bella's right. She has a lot to say, and I'm anxious for answers to." John said mysteriously as he perched himself on the arm of the chair across from the couch. I rolled my eyes at him and pursed my lips angrily.

He can make a real _ass _of himself sometimes.

Alistair and Mir looked between us curiously, unsure of what to say. Hell they were still convinced that John and I were sleeping together. _Most definitely not. _

"You two fighting or something?" Al asked cautiously as we sat on the couch.

"No, but I think it's time I told all of you guys what really happened ten years ago, all the way up to almost two years ago when I stopped calling everyone."

"Okay…we know the basics, was there more to it Bells? I mean, hell what else is there to say? The _asshole_ hurt you, why delve deeper into it?" Al asked concerned as he put his arm around my shoulder.

"Because there is more to it Al, a lot more. And now that we are back, we are all gonna have to face it at some point and if I am going to have y'alls support then I need to tell you the whole story so you guys can back me up if needed. I don't want anyone attacking you with knowledge that you aren't privy to and you not having any way to back yourselves up."

"Okay, that makes sense. Go ahead, start wherever you want."

With a deep breath and a heavy heart I dove head first into the story of a life time. _My story, _the one that nearly killed me. _Literally._

* * *

_Sorry this took so long guys, a lot has been going on but I am fully committed to this story and I am hoping to finish it soon:) Stay tuned, things are about to heat up and air out._


	4. Chapter 4

I walked through the dimly lit halls that was Mercy Hospital. Luckily the particular doctor I am here to see no longer works at Forks Medical, and so I don't have to make an unwanted trip to Forks today and risk running in to anyone else I don't want to see right now.

The only person I wish to see right now is standing right in front of me at the nurse's station filling out a patient folder.

"Hey what's up doc?" I asked with a slight smile as I walked up beside him.

His perfect head of blonde hair shot up to look at me, his eyes widened in surprise as he saw me standing there in front of him. In the Seattle Washington hospital of all places.

"Bella? What are you doing here sweetie, I knew you were home but this is a surprise." He enveloped me in his arms in an excited hug. Something I could always expect from Carlisle Cullen, he was always very kind to me and has always continued to be kind to me.

"I thought that I would drop by to see you, I wanted to talk to you about a few things. Especially because we will probably be seeing a lot of each other come the thirteenth and on."

Carlisle quirked a curious brow at me but nodded his head in agreement as he finished his chart and put it in one of the baskets. He told the nurse he was going to take his break early and then moved me in the direction of his new office.

"So how is Chase doing?" I smiled slightly as we made it to his office, to which he gestured me in first before following and closing the door behind himself.

"He is doing great actually, he was with Garrett yesterday. Johnny, my friend from Chicago is here with us. He took Chase to the mall today to go have a little fun, try to get away from all the moving and unpacking craziness you know?"

"Oh, that sounds fun, have you seen Alistair and Miracle already?" he asked with a grin on his face as he sat across from me. Esme told him.

I am so nervous.

"Yeah, it's soon but I ran into Alistair at the Pharmacy and I had to get him and Mir together because I had something big to tell them. Just as I have to tell you Carlisle. I have some explaining to do."

He nodded cautiously at me.

"Yes Esme told us she saw you, so I would be expecting a visit from Alice next time you are in Forks. I can hold her off as long as I can but you know Alice." I nodded with a slight chuckle at his words, boy did I ever.

"What's on your mind Bella?" he asked softly, gazing at me with those loving and caring blue eyes.

"I haven't been honest with you Carlisle. I know that it hurt when I wouldn't take your calls or call you back. I just, I didn't want you to see me that way or hear me that way. I have gone through a lot the past ten years and just having a baby isn't even the half of it." I paused to compose myself, I was getting misty eyed and I wasn't sure how much longer I would be able to keep calm. I probably wouldn't be able to but I was going to try.

"Bella, whatever it is you can tell me sweetie. You know I love you I would never judge you."

He reached his arm across the desk and took my hand in his, it was oddly comforting considering the news I was about to drop on him. I took a deep breath and squeezed his hand once for comfort, not only for myself but for him as well.

"When Chase was four I got diagnosed with breast cancer. For four long years I battled hard even though they told me time and time again that it was a small tumor and it would be gone quickly and all would be well. I've been cancer free for almost two years in August, on Chase's tenth birthday, as that was when I was diagnosed. That's why I wouldn't answer the phone, you would know something was wrong by the way I sounded and I didn't need or want you to worry about me Carlisle. The only people who knew was Charlie and Garrett, that was it and that was how I wanted it. I didn't want anyone in Forks to know."

I watched his face carefully as I finished saying what I had to say, at first he looked terrified, then he just looked relieved. He stood up soundlessly and pulled me up to grasp me in a tight hug. I felt the sobs wracking his body as he held me close to him, the tears rolling off his cheeks and settling on his lab coat or my shirt.

"I am so glad you are okay, you strong strong girl. I am so proud of you, you have taken life by the reigns and you have done an amazing job Bella. I'm not mad, I was hurt you never called me back or even picked up but I was never mad. I am just so happy that you are okay my dear."

There were no words, Carlisle could do that to you of course. He was so understanding, but he knew better than anyone that cancer was serious and it was a _shit _show for anyone involved. And if I had told him then someone in his family would have found out eventually and I didn't need that. He wouldn't want that for me, as if I had told him he would have been ridden with sadness at the news and I never wanted to do that to any of my family.

_But sometimes it is family that gets you through. _

"Thank you for telling me sweetie, I am glad you are okay. Do you have a new doctor here?" he asked, instantly going into Doctor mode as he pulled back to look at me. His and my eyes were blood shot, his from crying, mine for other reasons.

"Yes, I meet with him on the thirteenth to go over my yearly test results I had done before moving. But if there is anything bad then I will get a call before then to meet with him, but I haven't yet and so I am keeping optimistic."

He nodded his head a small smile on his face as he watched me fondly. Carlisle was like a second father to me, I don't know what I would do without him in my life. He was an amazing man.

"Well that's good, you know the signs as you know your body so I trust you would see him sooner if you felt the need arose."

"I would." I nodded slightly as we migrated to the couch in his office.

"Good."

We sat down and faced one another, we had a lot to catch up on and I knew that we both would have some questions already lined up in our heads as what to ask the other. But ever the gentleman Carlisle waited for me to begin.

"How is everyone? Alice, Jasper, everyone else?" I asked curiously as I made myself comfortable. Also trying not to ask the question that I really wanted to ask. _How is Edward? _

"Alice and Jasper got married, they have been for three years now. They are very happy and I of course am very happy for them as well. You know Esme and I were having problems, we finally decided that it was best to divorce. That one is more recent but it was for the best. And Emmett, well he is Emmett. He met someone, Rosalie is her name. She is a very beautiful and nice woman; Emmett really loves her."

I smiled slightly, when we used to talk on the phone he would tell me of his problems with Esme. Considering everything that had happened, that she had a hand in, I am not surprised that they finally got divorced.

"How is that going? Are you okay? I know you two did love one another." He smiled ruefully as he took my hand in his in a patriarchal way.

"It's going well, we did love one another at one point but people can fall out of love and I realized that my wife was not who I thought she was. She still lives in the house for now, until she or I am able to find a new place. In all honesty I may be the one to move seeing as I work in Seattle and no longer Forks. But we will just see how that plays out. Now, stop beating around the bush Isabella, ask me what you really wish to ask me." He looked at me expectantly, Carlisle knew me all too well.

"How is he? Do the two of you speak anymore? Since the last time we spoke of it that is." I was skittish on this topic, I know that I need to find him and talk but…I didn't exactly want to rush on that fact.

"We talk, not like we used to; but we talk more now than we did after I tried to tell him you contacted me. He isn't the same person Bella, he tried to come after you but his mother wouldn't have that. I was up against a wall at that point with the whole thing. I never should have let it get that out of control, I never knew that she…that she would do something like that. It just wasn't like her, or so I thought it wasn't like her anyway. He is doing well for himself, he lost his job at the University as you already knew, he also no longer practices medicine. He had an unfortunate mishap and lost his license, and now he works in the legal field. He owns a firm, very successful, he does legal work for many different things and his firm also works architecture. But you don't want to hear all of that. He isn't seeing anyone, he doesn't see anyone, he works so much he barely has time to come home on Sundays to have dinner, let alone drop in for lunch. But he deserves to know Bella, he _needs _to know about his son. And _you _need to be the one to tell him, but I want you to be cautious. When I say he isn't the same person Bella I mean that, he is different."

I left the hospital with a heavy heart and mind as the words Carlisle spoke rang in my ears. _He deserves to know his son. _

_Be cautious. _

_He is different. _

I was afraid to let Edward back into my life, and ultimately into my son's life. I don't know him anymore. If I ever really knew him at all that is.

Shaking the thought, I headed for the mall where I knew my son and my best friend were still spending their time. As if we didn't have enough to do, just add mama bear going to the mall to perform a round up on an almost ten-year-old and a full grown adult male who is probably enjoying the arcade games more than the said ten-year-old. _Almost ten. _

"Hello?" I asked as I shut the door to my car and made my way to the entrance of the mall.

"Bella?" I nearly froze when I heard the voice on the other end of the phone.

"How did you get this number?" my voice quivered and I hated that it did. This cannot be happening I am not ready for any sort of confrontation or reunion or whatever, with anyone in that family.

"That doesn't matter, where are you? I want to see you; we need to talk." Her voice was just as silky as it had always been. Damn that family and their perfection.

I rolled my eyes and steeled my nerve as I searched for my son and Johnny in the crowded mall that overwhelming to say the least. Last time I was here was junior year of high school. And that was a year before I ever even met Edward Cullen.

"I can't do this right now." I sighed as I spotted my son in the crowd of kids at the play area in the middle of the mall close to the food court.

"Mom!" he ran up to me and gave me a big hug.

"Hey baby, go get Uncle John we have to get going." He nodded enthusiastically and ran towards Johnny while trying to hop into his shoes.

I heard a loud gasp to my left, and also in my ear. I turned around to see none other than Alice Cullen standing at the exit of one of the many stores, phone held close to her ear as a wide eyed Jasper stood beside her looking after my son.

"_Shit." _I quickly hid my phone in my pocket and tried to scurry away but I wasn't fast enough.

"You have a son!" she accused loudly, pointing angrily at me as Chase ran back with a worried look on his face as an equally worried John trailed behind him. His smile depleted once he saw the small pixie standing to my far left.

"Not here Alice, we need to go. John take him home if you would, I don't have the extra seat in my car yet." He nodded, but looked between Alice and I in worry. I gave Chase a kiss on the head and sent him off with his Uncle.

"Don't say anything to him Alice I need to be the one to talk to him, not you."

"Oh you are damn right; you'll be calling him straight away Isabella! And this is not the last you have seen of me!"

She stormed off before I could even say anything further, Jasper looked torn as he watched his wife's retreating form back to my scared _shitless_ form. He gave me an apologetic look as he started after his wife.

"I'm sorry Bella, it'll work out honey I promise. Stay strong." I nodded my thanks as he turned away too.

Just like everyone always has when it comes to me. All but Johnny, my dad, Garrett, and Carlisle.

And who could forget my little man Chase?

I smiled slightly and turned to head back to my car, what a day this has been. No, what a week this has been. I just want it all to be over, I want to start next week off with a clean slate.

_If that's even possible for me._

* * *

"No, and why should it be a problem? That makes no sense! Well then get on it because I am not going to stand for this. Well fix it!" I slammed the phone down on the receiver and rubbed my temples in annoyance.

I hate my work sometimes, especially when having to run basically two businesses under the same roof.

"Come in." I called dully as I sat back in my chair as the door opened wide to reveal my mother walking through it. Great, just what I need.

"Hi Mom, I was going to call when I got off."

"Oh hush Edward we both know that's a lie." She brushed me off as she made her way into the big office, making herself at home easily.

Yeah, what a mother I have.

"What can I do for you Mom?" I asked curiously, she never just comes up to Seattle to visit me.

"I just came here to tell you something that I believe you should hear from me and not someone else dear." She said while looking at her nails as if they were the most interesting thing in the world.

"And what is that?" I didn't like being short with my mother but I had a lot to do and a lot of things to take care of and so she really needed to get to the point and fast.

"I just thought you should know that Isabella Swan is back. She moved back a week ago, she is living here in Seattle actually. I don't think she is alone but what do I know, she was at the Pharmacy in Forks when I ran into her. I just thought you should hear it from me before you heard it on the streets of Forks considering everyone is talking about it. And her of course."

I was shocked, she kept talking and I could see her lips moving…but I was in a state of shock and so it was a little hard to speak. Bella was back, my Bella? The one I had tried to go after, the one that I let get away because I was stupid? She was really back here?

"Wait, talking about her? What do you mean?" I asked curiously, but also keeping my motives out of it as I didn't want my mother reading too far into my curiosity.

She looked at me in the condescending way she has about her but went on anyway.

"If I hadn't of seen her face I never would have known it was her Edward. I mean she looks like a completely different person. I guess her new life gave her new purpose. Her hair is short, blonde almost, she looks different. And not just because the hair, I don't know what it is but she wasn't the same mousy girl you dated in high school. People are saying she was sick, met someone, maybe even has a son. But I doubt that, apparently she works for some company as their photographer specialist or whatever those people are called. Maybe that made her get a backbone I don't know." She shuddered slightly, trying to forget she ever even said anything about Bella, for some reason my mother really hates her.

I deflated slightly.

Bella was back, she was living here in Seattle. Am I the last person to know? How many people know? Who is she talking to? Just her family? Did she bring anyone with her? I was pulled from my droning thoughts by my mother's haunting words.

"I don't know why she is back, but that girl has also brought a dark secret with her. A big one too, I could see it in her eyes."


	5. Chapter 5

"Chase Anthony Swan you get down here this minute!" I yelled from my place at the kitchen table of my father's house. We decided it would be nice if we spent the night last night, things have been crazy with the mood so we needed a little get away with Grandpa.

Charlie was currently gathering all the supplies they needed for their fishing trip as Johnny loaded up the truck. I wouldn't be going, it was going to be a boy's day, I had errands to run.

"Coming!" My nine-year-old yelled as he ran down the stairs, nearly colliding with his uncle as he walked in the front door.

"Whoa! Slow down little man." Gar yelled in surprise as my son swerved just in time to miss him.

"What did I say about running in the house Chase?" I scolded as he appeared by my side.

"Sorry mom, I'm just so excited to go fishing for the first time. This is going to be awesome!" I smiled proudly at my little guy and ruffled his hair much to his objection.

I pulled him to me by the back of his head and kissed his forehead before patting his butt to get him moving. The older men were ready to go, they were just waiting on the straggler at this point.

"Bye baby have fun, and listen you your Uncle and your Grandpa."

"What about Johnny?" he asked with a quirked brow as he looked back at me. Thankfully Johnny was outside so I could say this.

"Don't listen to a word he says, and do me a favor buddy. Push him overboard if you would." I winked at him conspiratorially and he just giggled as he followed his Grandpa out the door.

"Sure you will be okay here by yourself Bells?" Gar asked as he leaned up against the archway.

I stood up to face my big brother as I finished tying my tennis shoes. I was wearing my workout clothes; I was in serious need of a good workout before I got around to all the other stuff I had to get done today. And believe me there was a lot I had to do today.

"I will be fine, if I need anything Alistair and Miracle are a phone call away. Now go and have fun I have to go for my run so I can get some work done."

He relented easily, gave me a kiss on the head and walked out beside me. We didn't bother locking the door as no one in their right mind would break into the Chiefs house. I slipped my phone into my harness on my arm and plugged in to my music.

With one last wave to my boys I took off in the opposite direction going towards town. It's the route I used to take on a run, might as well stick to old habits while in good old Forks.

I had just got back from my run when I got a text from my brother with something equivalent to alarming news.

_Whitlock saw us at the gas station before we headed off towards La Push. Saw Chase Bella, I think he is going to tell Edward. _

Brushing it off like it was nothing, even though it was everything, I decided to go upstairs and change my clothes. I'd grab a shower later after we go home for the night, I was so tired I just wanted to lay down on the couch and get some work done.

I should be more worried about what my brother just texted me, I really should be. But I have known Jasper Whitlock for a very long time and he isn't one to go around telling other people's business, if anything I would more or less expect Alice to tell Edward before Jasper would.

With a sigh I grabbed my journal and computer and sat down on the couch, brining my wool blanket and coffee with me as I did so.

I need to stop thinking for a moment about all this stuff going on around me. I have some serious issues to deal with, one of which being my health. I haven't gotten my test results back and that worries me.

So I decided I would email my new doctor, he may not see it today but I may as well email him and get the introductions over with. I need to let him know what is going on so we can decide whether or not I need to see him before next week.

Just as I had slipped my glasses on and started to type my email there was a knock on the front door, accompanied by a vibration in my pocket signaling I had a text.

"Coming!" I yelled as I sat everything on the table and opened the text to see it was from Jasper.

_Sorry darlin, tried to keep her away. Stay strong. _

"Great, just great." I took a deep breath to steel my nerve as I pulled the door open to reveal a very bright Alice standing before me.

We looked at one another, as if we were seeing one another for the first time. And in a way we were, we took a moment to look one another over. She was wearing a short yellow dress, blue bag, necklace and shoes. Even her nails were blue, nice accents. Her hair was longer than it used to be, seems as though roles are reversed here. She wore a gold headpiece around her head, similar to my pearl one atop my head.

"Hello Alice." I spoke softly, tired.

"I never thought I would see you back here again." She snarked nastily.

Why doesn't that surprise me? I shook my head slightly and leaned up against the door frame, I didn't have the time or energy for this, not in the slightest.

"I don't want to be rude or anything but what do you want Alice?" I was exhausted, maybe Johnny was right this was bad timing and bad for my health.

"Just what I told you on the phone, I want to see you and we need to talk."

"Well can we do this some other time?"

"No, I know that little boy is your son. He's Edwards isn't he?" she asked as if she already knew, but of course she did, he looked a lot like Edward. A lot like me as well but, he was Edwards son.

"Don't ask a question you already know the answer to Alice. And don't say anything to Edward, he needs to hear it from me. I need to talk to him before anyone else does." I hope she can understand that, or at least respect it.

"Your damn right you do; you know he saw you right?" I looked at her slightly confused.

"Edward, Esme told him you were here. He was in Forks today visiting with a perspective client in town and he saw you on a run. You need to talk to him before I do, or Jasper does. It would probably be better for Jasper to tell him he has a son, better from you but. I can see you have bee dragging your feet when it comes to getting into contact with Edward."

"You know what Alice I don't think it is your place or Jaspers place to tell the father of _my _son that he has a child. It needs to come from me and it will when I am good and ready to talk to him. Now if you don't mind I have some things to get done. So I can't do this right now, I have a lot on my plate."

I went to close the door but she slammed her hand against the mahogany wood, causing my nostrils to flare in annoyance.

"We are not finished Isabella." She seethed through clenched teeth, taking a step forward as if to try and stop me from closing the door further.

I took a calming breath and turned to look at her, the door still half closed with her hand on the door.

"Well I am Alice, I'm very tired. I've had a long week and the trip here wasn't the easiest on me. I haven't traveled in ten years, and in that time I have gone through a lot. I'm _tired_, and I just can't do this right now. Please respect that."

She looked at me gravely, we had a standoff with our eyes. Conveying with the other the need for this conversation but also the need for it to end while we were ahead. She slowly removed her hand from the door and took a step back.

"We aren't done here Bella; you will talk to me at some point. I want to meet my nephew and I will meet him. You just better tell Edward before Jasper or I take matters into our own hands." She chose her words cryptically but I knew the meaning she was throwing my way without her saying it.

I closed the door before she had a chance to retreat down the porch, this was exactly the thing I didn't want happening. The Cullen family showing up on my dad's doorstep while I am here, if Chase had been here I don't know what I would have done. Or if it had been Esme or god forbid Edward and Chase run through the hall to see who it is in his nosy way.

But luckily he wasn't here, and it was just Alice. I walked back to the living room, my head spinning slightly as I sat down on the sofa. I decided to text Jasper back, asking he call me so that we could do this on the phone instead of through text.

Jasper and Edward were friends at one point, I don't know if that still runs true or not but it couldn't hurt to check. I don't know where my line of thinking was heading but, I had a feeling.

"Hey Jasper." I whispered dejectedly as I sat back, careful to keep my boot clad feet off the couch least I got scolded by my father when he arrived home. He would know.

"Hey Bells, how did that go?"

I sighed heavily while letting my head fall back on the back of the couch.

"That bad huh?"

"Oh yeah, so you saw my son today? Really saw him?" I asked quietly, fearing as if I said it too loud the wrong person might hear me.

"Yeah I did, he is the spitting image of both you and Edward. Bella he is going to find out soon, a lot of people in town saw him today and people have already started talking. Some people are trying to say it is that friend of yours but there is no justification for that considering the years. You got to tell him, and fast." He pushed with urgency.

It was now that I finally realized that we were working on the clock. This information is time sensitive now, Edward can't hear this as some Forks gossip. He deserves better than that and I don't have that kind of time. I looked to my computer at my sent email that has just been read…great. I glanced at it to see my new doctor was going to call me in five minutes.

"Jasper I know, I don't have much time-" my phone beeped before I was able to continue, the doctor was calling. _Shit. _It's been five minutes.

"Jazz can I call you back? It's my doctor calling."

"Yeah go ahead I'll be here."

"Thanks bye." I quickly switched the calls over before I missed it altogether.

"Hello?"

"Hello Miss Swan this is Dr. Gant."

"Hello Dr. Grant thank you for replying so quickly."

"Of course, I don't have but two patients right now including yourself so I have made you my priority today. Now you have some concerns?"

"Yes I do, I was trying to put it all off on the move and all that but I know my body. And I know something more is going on, my test results aren't back yet and I just…I feel something in my gut telling me that something is wrong."

There was momentary silence as he thought quickly, probably scribbling down some notes.

"Alright, I hear the worry in your voice. I am scheduling you for tomorrow, Thursday at noon. Does that work for you or do you need a few more days?"

"No that's perfect I will see you tomorrow."

"Alright Isabella, we will tackle this quickly take a few tests and see what there needs to be done. If there is anything that needs to be done that is, we will also keep your July thirteenth appointment as your test results from a week ago will be in by that point."

"Thank you so much Dr. Grant. I will see you tomorrow at noon."

"Good I will see you then. Have a nice evening."

We hung up the phone and I felt as if I had a weight lifted off my shoulders. I don't want bad news but I also don't want to worry my family in case it is nothing. So, I won't tell anyone about making an early appointment. I'll just say I have some errands to run in the city for a few hours and let Johnny and Chase hang out at the house.

I called Jasper back, having decided what to do about this situation that has presented itself to me.

"Hello beautiful." I rolled my eyes as I laid down on the couch, finally letting the exhaustion set in.

"Your right Jasper, I can't let Edward find out from some stranger. I can't tell him though; I have some stuff going on right now. So, I was wondering. I trust you, and I know you wouldn't just blurt it out or anything. You would make him understand, if you could I mean."

"Bella, sweetie it's okay. I will tell him."

"Really? Jasper thank you, I just. I can't with everything I have going on. Please tell him I wanted to tell him, timing wasn't right and it was of the essence at this point. Tell him I am sorry and ask him to give me just a little time before he shows up. I have a lot going on this week and next."

"Okay sugar, will do. Do you want me to at least give him your number, or do you want his so you can call him?"

"If you could send it to me that would be nice. I'll try and call him after you have talked to him, so that he and I can set something up."

"Sounds good, I'll text it to you when we get off. I got to go sugar Alice is home and Emmett is here as well. I will talk to you later. It was good to hear from you."

"You too Jazz. Bye."

We hung up the phone and I set mine on the coffee table. It vibrated moments later to signal Jasper had sent me Edwards number. What would I say to him when we spoke? My head was spinning; this was all too much for me to handle. I wasn't even sure that I was ready to talk to Edward, let alone see him.

If I wasn't ready, then I guess I should have waited a little longer before moving.

* * *

It had been three hours since I saw her in the small town of Forks, on the same route she had always taken when she went for a run. It was surreal seeing her, I was wholly unprepared when I laid my eyes on her.

My mother's description of her doing her no justice.

Her hair was short, curly, and mostly blonde. Her shoulder now housed a brightly colored set of tattooed roses, her arms looked like they had tattoos on them as well but she was so far away I couldn't make out what it was.

She did look different, but still the same to me as she had always been beautiful in my eyes. She looked even more beautiful though. Her workout clothes hugged her skin tightly and I felt something within me stir like it hadn't stirred in years. 10 years to be exact.

I wanted to go to her, but I didn't.

_What else is new? _

I felt as though I was moving on autopilot as I made my way to my sister's house, Jasper wanted to talk to me about something. About wat I don't know, he was very cryptic on the phone.

"Hey Edward, good to see you." I looked at him strangely as he opened the door, he was acting funny.

"Yeah, you too. What's up Jazz?" I asked cautiously as I walked into the small two story house.

"Well I wish I had known Emmett and Rose were coming over before I called you. We need to talk but it needs to be in private."

"About what?" I asked in annoyance, what was so important that it needed to be just between the two of us.

"It's about Bella." He whispered, as to not alert the other parties in the house. For that I was thankful, anything about Bella was definitely private. Or the things I could keep private that is.

"Let's take this upstairs or something?" I suggested when I spotted my nosy sister sitting on the edge of the couch trying to listen in.

"Yeah come on we will go to my office upstairs. And everyone will stay down here and leave us alone." He spoke seriously as we walked past the nosy group in the living room.

We made our way up the stairs and into his office, he left the door cracked so that we could see if anyone made an unwanted appearance.

"Alright, so what's going on that I need to know?" I asked as I sat down on the sofa across from his desk and two chairs. He sat down on the edge of his desk and looked at me cautiously. This can't be good if he is looking at me like that.

"What Jasper?"

"You have to know this before I tell you what I need to tell you Edward. Bella is going through a lot, and she really wanted to tell you this herself but she just can't. The timeline has been skewed as a lot of people here in town know. I don't know what she is going through other than the move, but she sounds tired and when I was on the phone with her she got a call from her new doctor. I don't know what that was about but it sounded serious considering how quickly she got off the phone. But she wanted me to tell you because she knew I that I would do this the right way. She wanted to be the one to tell you Edward and she is sorry it's not her sitting across from you right now. But considering the amount of people that now know I have to be the one to tell you, please don't get angry and don't go and storm in on her right now. I gave her your number so that she can call you if that is okay?"

I only nodded as I was intrigued but in a way confused by his words.

"She has a son Edward. He is nine years old, he'll be ten soon." I was shocked, did I just hear what I think I just heard?

"Is he my son?" I asked brokenly as I watched Jasper carefully. He was being cautious.

"Yes, he is."

"I have a son?" I was in a state of shock. Even more so when I found out Bella was here. But now, I know she is here with my son. With _our _son.

"Yeah you do buddy, I've seen him. He looks just like you and Bella. He is a beautiful kid Edward. I don't know the reason behind her not finding you and telling you sooner, but I have a feeling it is a good one. She wants you to know him, and from what I gathered from our conversation earlier so does he. But let Bella come to you, she looks like she has been through more than any of us could ever begin to imagine. Let her set the pace, don't go in swinging and don't go in mad."

I shook my head; no I wouldn't do that. He was right, she should set the pace. I want to see my son; I want to know my son.

"Does he know about me? Who I am?" Jazz shrugged slightly.

"I don't know. We didn't talk about that Edward. Just give her some time, she has a lot going on the rest of this week and next week as well. Just, let her set the pace okay?"

"Yeah, I'll let her come to me. But, damn is this real right now?"

"Yeah man it is. If you want you can crash here tonight, so you can process this. I don't think you should be driving."

"Um, yeah sure. Thanks Jasper, I'll just stay in here for a while if you don't mind."

"Not at all, take all the time you need man I know it is a lot to process." He got up and headed for the door.

I thought he had left until he spoke once more.

"You know for what it's worth, I think she is still in love with you."


	6. Chapter 6

I was sitting in the exam room. Feeling anxious and slightly afraid.

It was impossibly cold, as I've found hospitals to be. All I wanted was to get back home to Chase, we are going to spend the day at the local theme Park here in Seattle and I know he is anxious to get going. We haven't gotten to spend much one on one time together since the move and I miss my little man.

I sighed softly and fiddled with my fingers as I waited for Dr. Grants return, he only took a few simple tests to determine if it was stress or something small like that. Since I already had all my testing done in Chicago he couldn't really take any serious tests until we get my results.

I really hate hospitals.

Until the thirteenth I won't know what is really going on, and that's next week. That makes me nervous, my fate is still undetermined and I am so worried. Especially because of the things going on with Edward and all this mess I'm in now.

I don't want anything bad to happen to my son if something were to happen to me. I had breast cancer for years and it was hard on all involved, not just me but my son as well. He was young and didn't fully understand what was happening to me, but he knew that I was sick and now that he is older he understands a lot more.

I just have a gut feeling, and I hope that it is wrong. But so far, it hasn't been.

The door opened and I couldn't help but to close my eyes as Peter walked in holding my folder. I took a deep breath and then opened my eyes to look at the man in front of me. He was looking at me fondly, Dr. Grant was very nice and an amazing doctor. I'm lucky to have him.

"Well the results are in." he announced with a small smile, well this should be good.

"Okay, and what's the verdict?" I couldn't fathom the possibilities of the answer he was about to give me.

He looked up at me over the rim of his glasses, his pen was poised over the file sitting in front of him on the counter where he was sitting on the small stool. I wasn't too fond of that look, I wasn't sure how to feel about it. If I was still in Chicago with Dr. Reynolds then I would know what every look meant, what every movement or body language of his meant. Now I am with a new Doctor, I am at a loss of what could be good and what could be bad.

I'm on new ground here.

"Well, we definitely have quite a bit to talk about Bella."

I've never been too fond of those words.

***~Waiting for Superman~***

I couldn't sleep anymore, I had tossed and turned all night. The last time I had a hard night sleeping was after the incident with Bella and when she took off. I was a train wreck then, I didn't know what to do. And at that time, I didn't know any better, and soi looked to the wrong people when I should have been going to the one person who had always been there for eme.

Which brought me to my current state as I sat at my kitchen counter. I had left Alice and Jasper's place at about 4 o'clock this morning because I wasn't able to sleep. I was beside myself as I slowly sipped my coffee.

_I have a son. _

Bella and I have a child together. Does he know about me? Did she tell him about us? Did she say bad things about me? NO. Bella would never say anything bad about anyone, well not the father of her son of course. Who does he look more like?

All these questions assaulted my brain, when the most important question of all crept into my mind. Why didn't she find me and tell me? I sat there, just holding my now cold cup of coffee for only a moment.

I jumped up and got dressed quickly as I grabbed my car keys. I couldn't hold myself bazck and longer, I didn't know what to do. So I did the one thing I knew to do. The one thing I never did before all of this happened.

I went to talk to my father. I'm sure he knows Bella is home. But I'm sure he knows even more than just that of course. I mean he did try to tell me Bella had gotten in contact with him a few years ago and like an idiot I chose not to believe him.

Well now I know that I should have. Maybe my dad can tell me what to do here. Or at least point me in the right direction at least.

I drove over to the hospital here, where my father now worked and parked the Audi beside his Mercedes. I was on autopilot as I took the elevator to the floor my father worked sometimes. The cancer ward, it was very seldom that he worked this floor, but when he did he was mostly filling in for someone. I found him at the front desk talking to a nurse and I nearly broke down right there.

I'm a mess.

"Dad!" He turned instantly when he heard my voice. The distress.

"Edward? Son is everything alright?" He was alarmed by my disheveled mannerisms, I usually call before dropping by, unless it's an emergency. The last time I just showed up was when Bella left and I hadn't known what else to do.

"I need to talk to you. Alone, please." He nodded swiftly as he turned to the nurse to inform her we would be down in his office and to page him if he was needed.

We boarded the elevator, it was a quiet journey to his office. ONce we were alone though I spoke. We knew better now not to broadcast our business for all to hear. That was hell.

"What's going on Edward?" I wasn't sure where to begin as we both sat down across from one another.

"Jasper talked to me last night. After I saw Bella out in Forks."

"You saw her?"

"She was running her old route. She never saw me, we didn't speak." He nodded thoughtfully but waited for me to continue. He knew there was more.

"Jasper called me over to their place. He'd spoke to Bella, and she asked him to tell me something big. Something she wanted to tell me but didn't get the chance because apparently a bunch of gossips in Forks found out the information first and it became very time sensitive. So Jasper, being ever so gentle, handed me the news that I have a son."

Carlisle just looked at me, not in surprise at the information, but by my demeanor in handling the news. On the outside I was calm, on the inside I was freaking out.

"And how are you coping with this new information son?"

"I'm not sure yet to be honest." I blew out a breath and pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingers.

"I know it's a lot to take in son. But there are many things that played into this. In the decision for Bella to keep this from you. And even in her return, you will just have to sit down wither and talk about everything." Wise old man.

"I know dad. But I don't know what to do here. She asked that I give her time, and I want to, but at the same time I don't. I want to meet my son, know him. Just in case she decides this isn't what she wants and she takes him away. Help me, please. I don't know what to do."

His eyes were soft as he watched me. I was confused, but most of all I was lost. My dad was probably the only person who could help me, he knew all the right things to say.

"Does Bella have a way to contact you or you her?"

"Jasper gave her my number. Said she would call me when she could. Said she is going through a lot right now but he isn't really sure what that was."

He nodded in contemplation, I watched him carefully. His eyes shifted, he clasped his fingers together and crossed his legs. He knew something that I didn't.

"You know something." I accuse lightly, as I wasn't one-hundred percent sure.

"I do, but it isn't my place son."

I wasn't sure if I should be angry at this new information or not, but soon decided that I shouldn't be, because he was right.

"Yeah, you are right. Thanks dad, talking to you about this has actually helped calm me down some."

"I'm glad I could be of help son. Now stop worrying yourself and get going. You look tired. Don't overthink things Edward, let Bella come to you."

I smiled at him, he always knew what to say. I felt bad for those months I stopped talking to him. It wasn't him I should have been mad at, it was my mother. And no matter how far away I go. She still thinks it's okay to come and see me. Like the other day when she showed up at my office. All of this is her fault, our family falling apart, and Bella and I splitting up.

"Dad, I'm sorry. For these past few years. I was horrible to you and you didn't deserve it. I should have been the opposite, you should have been the one I looked too, but I didn't know at the time."

He merely shook his head, brushing me off as we got up and walked out together.

"Don't even worry about it, it's in the past. We are here now and we have more things to think about."

"Thanks dad, the benefit dinner is still this Friday night right? Or has it been postponed again?"

"It is in fact this Friday, they finally got a new venue that is more reliable. I don't know why our usual venue gave us such a fuss like they did. But it is set, same time as always."

"Awesome, I'll see you then."

It was a hard pill to swallow, I'm used to being in control. And now that I'm not I don't know what to do. The only thing I can do is wait for Bella.

_I'll always wait for her. _

"Hey dad!"

"Yeah son?"

"Don't tell mom, or anyone else. Jasper and Alice already know. I asked then not to say anything. I don't want any pressure put on Bella."

"You got it." He winked at me and went back to work. Just as I needed to do.

As I was walking out of the hospital something caught my eye at the front doors. It was her, She was beautiful. She's always been so beautiful. She was wearing red heels, black shorts, a red top that showed off her figure, and a black faux blazer. Her hair was short, curly and mostly blonde. I was looking at her from behind but she was still as beautiful as the first moment I laid eyes on her in that University quad.

_God I miss her. _

***~Waiting for Superman~***

After visiting with Dr. Grant I was pretty skittish, so I decided that going to see Carlisle would probably help. But I quickly diverted my attention when I saw Edward and his father coming out of his office. I froze for a moment, completely mortified as I watched him. He was just as gorgeous as ever. Maybe even more so than the first time I saw him on campus. He was a Greek God, he always has been.

Shaking that thought I practically fled from the hospital, I felt like such a coward as I practically ran to my car.

"Hey John, how's Chase?" I asked as I climbed into the car, phone to my ear.

"He's good, getting very antsy. He's excited about going to the theme park. You guys are gonna have a good time, but you gotta hurry up B, this kid is going nuts."

I laughed loudly as I pulled out of the parking lot and headed to the house.

"Well I'll be there in five so have him ready. Please and thank you."

"Yeah, he'll be ready for you. Need a change of shoes when you get here? I know you wont want a repeat of last year." We both laughed heartily at that, I wore heels the last time we all went to a theme park and let's just say it did not end well.

"Yes please. I'll see you in a few minutes J."

"Alright baby girl."

I hung up the phone and continued on my way. I wasn't used to this, it's been me, Chase and Johnny for so long. I don't know what I am doing here, I love having my family everyday rather than when they could be there. It's nice, but it is also overwhelming. As i was driving I couldn't help but to think about that day. The day we met in the University Quad.

***~Flashback~***

**I was walking through the busy café, this was the worst time to come in because it was the peak of the day. But it didn't bother me much, this was the time of day where I get to write the most, I get a cup of coffee and a pastry. Then I find a seat by the window or even outside and I write for a few hours before I go back to my apartment. I only have two classes on Friday, so I like to spend the majority of the evening on campus to do a little writing. I'm a Sophomore here at Seattle U, and if I play my cards right I can graduate as a Junior. That's why I take classes over the summer, so that I can graduate early. **

**I had just stepped outside with my small coffee, scone, and journal when it happened. We had almost run into one another in our hurry. He was carrying an over the shoulder bag and a travel coffee mug, while also juggling an Anatomy and Physiology textbook with tons of papers in it. We looked up at one another and I nearly stopped breathing. He was possibly the most gorgeous man I had ever seen in my entire life. He looked like a Greek God. He was over head, liip like an and almost break my neck tall. He had a chiseled chin, long messy copper colored hair, some stubble around his face that was slightly darker than the perfect mop on his head. And his eyes, oh his eyes, they were a deep beautiful green that I could have gotten lost in. He was built, with broad shoulders, a wide but toned looking chest that I could see through that deep blue button up that hugged his figure tight. His light washed jeans hung low on his hips and hugged his figure deliciously. **

_**And your officially staring Bella. **_

**I thought to myself as I finally brought my eyes back up to meet his. Only to find out that I wasn't the only one ogling. He was checking me out as well. **

**"Um, I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention." I stuttered stupidly as we moved away from the door so that people could get through, and so he could set his things down on a table. **

**"No, no don't apologize. If it hadn't have been for my juggling act I would have been more attentive." **

**"no worries. You do seem to be juggling a lot there. Medical field I'm guessing?" **

**"Yes, actually. I teach here occasionally." **

_**Oh shit, he's a teacher. **_

**"You're a professor?" I asked timidly, I'd just been checking out a teacher. **

**"Only on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday nights. I work at Mercy Hospital full time though."**

**He said as he put his book in his bag. Well I guess that makes me feel better knowing he is more a doctor than a professor. Is it still wrong though? I don't know the protocol here.**

**"I'm Edward by the way, what's your name?" He asked politely, smiling a bright smile that nearly made my knees weak. **

**"Bella." **

**He took my hand in his and kissed the back of it. **

**"It's a pleasure to meet you Bella." I could feel my cheeks heat up as he continued holding my hand in his. **

**"You as well Edward." **

**"Were you meeting someone?" He asked politely as he pointed to my cup of coffee. **

**"Oh, no. I was just going to find somewhere to sit and just read or write." I admitted truthfully, albeit a little pathetically, I don't know how to approach this guy though. **

**A professor. **

**"So, would you mind joining me then?" Que the ever prominent blush. **

**"Um sure, it's pretty packed inside though." I pointed out softly as he picked up his things once again. **

**"That's just fine, I know the perfect spot just near the library." I nodded and followed him. That evening was the beginning of something great and we didn't even realize it yet. Until it was too late that is.**

***~End Flashback~***

I shook my head to rid myself of the thought as my son raced toward the car. With his UNcle J following closely behind with a pair of my black flats dangling from his fingers and a smile on his face. I rolled my window down all the way so he could hand me my shoes and so he could lean in as Chase crawled in the back seat. Boy was he excited too, prctically jumping up and down.

"How'd it go?" _Shit. _He knew. Of course he knew.

"I'm not stupid Bells, so?" I took a deep breath and glanced at Chase through the rearview to see he wasn't paying any attention to us. So it was safe to speak.

"The tests he took didn't give much of a read on anything. We won't know until my official tests come back from Chicago. But the stress test came back positive." I whispered as to keep Chase from hearing our conversation.

"Well, maybe that's all it is. Take it easy today though. Have fun and be careful."

"Will do." He leaned in and kissed my cheek. Waving to Chase as he stepped away from the car.

"Bye Uncle J!" Chase yelled excitedly, waving to his Uncle who squinted at my tinted windows but waved back anyway.

"Have fun little man! Be good for your mom! Watch out for her!"

"Got it!" I couldn't help but to smile as we pulled out of the driveway. I loved my boys. Both of them.

Chase and Johnny bot, they have been my world for nin, almost ten years. Johnny had been there for me when I had no one else. He helped me during and after my pregnancy. And he stayed when I got sick, he's the closest thing Chase has had to a father. But he knows what he is and Chase knows as well. Johnny is my best friend and he always will be. I'm so thankful to have him. _We _are lucky to have him in our lives.

"Ready for a day of fun buddy?"

"Yeah, this is going to be so much fun Mom!" He bounced up and down in his booster seat, barely able to contain himself.

I swore he was going to jump out of his skin he was so excited.

"Glad to hear it buddy, I know we haven't had much time to hang out since we moved, and things have been so hectic. I am glad we get to spend the day together."

"Me too Mom. Can we get something to eat first? I'm hungry."

"Of course baby, what are you in the mood for?" I had learned rather quickly that Chase would only let me call him that or any other endearing synonym when it was only he and I.

"Pizza!" I couldn't help but to laugh, this kid is going to turn into a pizza I swear.

"Alright buddy, there is a pizza place on the way. We'll stop there and then we will be on our way."

"Yay!" He squealed in excitement, kicking his feet slightly so that he didn't accidentally kick my seat in the process. He has done that since he was little, he loves sitting in a chair and just kicking his feet back and forth.

It was not a quiet drive to the pizza place, a place where I used to go all the time, Chase and I were singing along to the radio whenever a song came on that we knew. He sang very loudly and way off key, but it was adorable and something I had missed immensely.

"Here we are."

I parked the car in the lot across the street and tried to beat my energetic nine year old out of the car. I was not quick enough, but how could a mother who underwent four years of chemotherapy and much, much more, keep up with a nine year old anyway?

I couldn't, that was the point.

"Okay buddy hold my hand so we can cross the street." He took my hand eagerly as we stepped up to the cross walk, waiting for it to turn.

"Come on, hurry." We ran across, laughing along the way, just like we used to back in Chicago.

"That was fun!" Chase chimed as we made our way to the restaurant, swinging our hands back and forth.

"It was wasn't it?" He just looked up at me with a big grin on his cute little face. His hair was all over the place and he tried swiping it out of his face, but to no avail. He was so cute, he looked so much like his father. Once we reached the door he pulled it open for me and let me walk through first.

"Hi welcome to Mama and Papa's Pizzeria, just two?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Alright follow me." The overly joyous hostess grabbed our menus, one kids and the other regular, and stalked towards our table.

Chase and I exchanged a look as we followed her, we have a bad habit of making fun of people. We've been doing it since he was six when he made a funny face because a waiter was wearing his shirt backwards and never knew it. Then my adorable little six year old decided to let him in on that little tidbit of information, the waiters face turned about six colors of red in only a few seconds. The poor guy didn't know what to do, he just ran to the kitchen to get away from the embarrassment, a few minutes later my six year old got a brownie sundae.

"Your waitress will be right with you."

"Okay thanks."

We sat across from one another, and as soon as Chase was situated he opened his menu and started on the maze. He loves kids menus because he gets to color without having to lug his coloring books and pencils around when we go out to eat because they are provided.

"Just want a large pepperoni with black olives and yellow peppers." He gets the odd toppings from his father, we used to come here all the time. Especially on Fridays for lunch after I got out of class.

"Yeah!" He smiled widely at me, then got this contemplating look on his face. The look he always got when he was thinking about his dad.

But before he or I could say anything our waitress appeared at our table, taking our drink and food order as we had already decided on what we wanted. She took my menu then swiftly disappeared to the kitchen to put the order in.

"What's up buddy?"

"I was just wondering, did you and my dad ever come here?" He looked up at me, that curious gaze in his green eyes that reminded me so much of his father.

"Yes actually, we did. We were here quite a lot, we were regulars."

"Like how we were at Chenny's?"

"Exactly like Chenny's. Every Friday after I was done with classes your dad would bring me here for lunch and we would order the same pizza we just did. Your dad loved black olives and yellow peppers, got them on everything he could. Just like you. You're a lot like your dad baby, a lot like him."

He thought on that for a moment, thinking of what he wanted to ask next. I waited patiently, knowing almost instantly what he was going to ask.

"Have you talked to my dad yet?" He averted his eyes, looking down at the table. Too nervous to look me in the eye.

"I haven't personally yet, but he knows about you. About us being back, I was going to call him this weekend see if he and I could sit down and talk about things."

He looked up at me with hope in his eyes.

"Really?"

"Really. You'll meet your dad soon baby, I just need to talk to him first. He and I need to have a serious conversation before you guys get to meet. You have to understand that it has been nearly ten years since I have seen or talked to your dad. People change, you know what mommy went through, is still kind of going through. But your dad doesn't know anything, he is going to have a lot of questions and he is going to expect some serious answers from me. But once he and I have talked you can meet him, I promise."

"Will he like me?"

"Oh baby, your daddy will love you. He will be there for you every single day once he meets you, it was mommy's fault, not your dads."

"Mom, it wasn't your fault. You were doing what you thought was right, I understand more than you think I do mommy."

This revelation surprised me, I knew my little man was smart but I didn't realize he understand the situation I was in before he was born.

Looks like he has his father's smarts. Did this kid inherit anything from me?


End file.
